A Note to Team Squirrel

I have a bone (well, an acorn) to pick with you.

Team Squirrel, please be aware that I’m fed up with yanking oak and hickory seedlings from my gardens and walkways.

I hold you at least partially accountable for having to do this annoying work.

My sources tell me that eastern gray squirrels can bury 3,000 nuts in a season. There must be at least ten of you leaping and skittering through the woods surrounding my home. Come on, squirrels! I understand you don’t eat every nut you bury. But try harder. Please eat more of those 30,000 nuts you hide each year!

I hear you. You think that’s a stretch goal, and besides, even if you did manage to eat every nut you squirrel away, there would still be seedlings. You say you simply cannot keep up with the trees’ nut production.

Let’s think about that. A mature oak can produce around 2,000 acorns in a typical year. But every few years, which scientists call mast years, that number can grow to 10,000. Plus, a shagbark hickory sometimes produces almost 4,000 nuts. Last fall, surely you noticed tons more nuts on the ground than usual. It seems that in our neck of the woods, 2024 was a banner year for acorns and hickory nuts.

Hmm, I hate to say it, but yeah… you’re probably right about that stretch goal. There are more than ten oaks and ten hickories near my home, but to keep the math simple, let’s say that many trees are trying to feed you. I guess I can’t expect Team Squirrel to consume 100,000 acorns and 40,000 hickory nuts. I see it now: Even in a typical year, you’re overwhelmed with nuts.

I admit it. Seedlings are inevitable.

But still… could you do me a favor? When you’re shopping for food, would you direct your attention to certain spots and pick them clean of fallen nuts? Allow me to elaborate:

Wherever you see shredded bark or stepping stones, please, Team Squirrel, be clean platers.

And when you’re sniffing around for appropriate hiding spots, consider those same areas to be off limits. Because we both know you won’t find and eat them all.

With your cooperation, the unavoidable seedlings will grow away from my gardens and walkways.

What? In exchange for this help, you need a favor from me? Ah. I see.

But nope. I’m not gonna hang any bird feeders. You see, I love watching and filming birds. Like this beautiful blue jay.

(Don’t worry. I like taking pictures of squirrels, too.)

And yes, I agree with you: The blue jays are acorn-eating underperformers. They, too should be doing their part to prevent nuts from germinating in my gardens. Be assured that I’m having that conversation with them.

Back to your feeder question demand. Please note that I prefer photographing my wildlife neighbors in natural settings, like in the trees. Not on feeders. Besides, if I gave you access to seeds and such, wouldn’t you eat fewer nuts, upping the odds that even more will land in my gardens?

Oh? You wish to inform me that neighbors down the street have a yard full of bird feeders? Are you threatening to take your appetites there?

I’ll tell you what. I’ll monitor your nut consumption this fall, watching to see if you allow notably fewer acorns to languish on my cultivated areas as identified above. If so, I’ll consider putting up a feeder or two. But don’t be surprised if I choose the ones with squirrel-proof baffles or that close under your weight.

Sure, I know those won’t keep you from stealing seeds.

But at least I’ll get to film some squirrely acrobatics.

Sincerely,
Me!

Resources and a Related Kids’ Book

The number of nuts a gray squirrel hides annually seems to be a fluid number, with different credible sources giving widely varying counts. No matter: Let’s just say they bury a lot! Here are two interesting articles about the how and why of squirrels’ hoarding habits:

Out My Backdoor: Backyard Hoarders Busy Story Nature’s Bounty, by Terry W. Johnson, an article published by the Georgia Department of Natural Resources.

Do Squirrels Remember Where They Buried Their Nuts? By Emma Bryce, published by Scientific American.

It seems I’m not the only one who thinks 2024 was a ‘mast’ year—a year of very high acorn production—in southwest Michigan. Here’s a local news report from last November:

Ask Ellen: Why am I getting so many acorns this year? By Ellen Bacca, published by WoodTV in Grand Rapids, MI.

Here’s a fun kids’ book for preschoolers and younger kids.

Hide and Seek, Nuts to Eat, by Tracy C. Gold with art by Nancy Leschnikoff. This rhyming story takes young readers through a squirrel’s year of finding and storing food. The language is playful and the art is pure fun, with storytelling based on facts about squirrels’ food needs and how they meet them. The back of the book includes several pages of additional, engaging information about squirrels. This book is a perfect resource and discussion starter when kids see squirrels scampering about.

Image Credits: Carol Doeringer.